The ADHD Vampire, by Matthew Vaughn
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The ADHD Vampire, by Matthew Vaughn
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ADHD Vampire A cruise ship for retired sex addicts, The U.S.S. Exciter, is the site of a party a lot of people on board will never forget (but some of them will, anyway). Lurking in the cargo hold is Horace Dracul, half-brother of the legendary Dracula, and he dreams of reaching the shores of a country where the blood flows like wine, and bright, shiny lights are seemingly infinite. However, another member of the Exciter’s well-aged population has some secrets of her own: Martha—retired cyborg and ex-spy. In the grand tradition of slasher-horror literature in which a lot of people are murdered in gruesome ways, The U.S.S. Exciter will host an orgy of violence and sex toys, and an easily-distracted vampire named Horace might have himself a bloody-good time.
The ADHD Vampire, by Matthew Vaughn- Amazon Sales Rank: #1330728 in eBooks
- Published on: 2015-03-22
- Released on: 2015-03-22
- Format: Kindle eBook
About the Author Matthew Vaughn lives in Shelbyville, Kentucky. He is the father of three little girls and a little boy, yet he and his wife are just big kids too. By day he maintains machines and robots, but, by night he is a writer of bizarro fiction. You can keep up with his work at http://mcvaughn.wordpress.com/ or at https://www.facebook.com/matthew.vaughn.12532
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Most helpful customer reviews
2 of 2 people found the following review helpful. Uh-oh! There's a vampire on a cruise ship... By S.T. Cartledge The great thing about bizarro is that it's always there to put a new spin on old tropes. Things that were once boring and cliche become reinvented as vivid and imaginative once again.I bought Pride and Prejudice and Zombies not long after it came out because it sounded entertaining as hell. I tried reading it a few times but I just couldn't get into it. Somewhere in the back of my mind was the thought that there was no substance to it beyond the punchline in the title. I don't know if the book is any good, but I've reached a point where I no longer care to find out.The ADHD Vampire is similar in the idea that the joke is right there in the title. Wouldn't it be funny to read a story about a vampire with a short attention span? It's funny in the same way that re-imagining Pride and Prejudice with zombies is funny. But Matthew Vaughn has taken the concept and built a character around that. And put him in a compromising situation where he is forced to interact with other characters who we get to know throughout the story.Without going into the details, I think it's important to know that this story is not for the easily offended. It's violent, graphic, sexual, and disturbing in many ways which cross over. Too many bodily fluids for a bunch of old people on a cruise ship.And that's where Vaughn takes the simple joke and turns it into a real riot. It's an action packed story which is thoughtful and engaging. It's short, fast, and follows a basic conflict/resolution narrative. You want to know how the madness unfolds.And I loved most of all how he wasted no time describing the vampire's condition. We know everything about it from the title. He shows us the rest through the action. Fundamentally, this is how stories should be told.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. I hate vampires. I do not find their bat abilities ... By Shane To tell you all the truth, I hate vampires. I do not find their bat abilities to be cool, nor their lame sickly, sun starved skin. I do not care that they can live forever, and I would much rather watch a fly puke up its meal and eat it again than watch a vampire stick its two straw wannabe fangs into someone’s Capri Sun neck. I hate them. Vaughn has successfully created a Vampire I actually like and enjoyed spending time with. Horace, Dracula’s ADHD inflicted, lamer brother, is hilarious. I think Vaughn should start a new line of horror monsters, give them all disabilities, for just ADHD alone made Vaughn’s vamp make me want to **** in my adult depends. I’ve never pictured vampires in this light, but Horace stopping mid meal due to seeing a blinking light is just so absurd that one has to laugh.This book is also very raunchy, which anyone who follows my reviews will know, the more foul a book, the more I enjoy it. Do you enjoy sexy ladies, and tattooed hunks engaged in hardcore acts of coitus? Vaughn delivers that to you by the spoonful, so prepare your tissue box and lotion for a spanking good time. Wait, I forgot to mention that they are all in their upper 70s and 80s, and have oxygen tanks and false teeth, but hey, that's a helluva a lot more kinky and erotic than 50 Shades of Grey.Do you like gallons of blood and chunks of meat sliding across a ship deck? Well, that also appears here, so wear a raincoat.The only issue I had with this novel was I felt the character of Martha was lacking. Do not get me wrong, she is a kick *** cyborg granny with attitude (Go, go Granny Rangers), but I just personally do not feel there was enough here for me to really care about her. She does some cool things, but I feel one scene in the book lacked a little bit of an expected response from myself due to my lack of care for her.So in final, I give Vaughn’s ADHD Vampire four **** filled adult diapers out of five. That means that you, dear reader, should go read this before it's too late and you find yourself an elderly person taking a nice pleasant senior cruise.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful. Where's a good cyborg when ya need one? By Teresa This doesn't really read like a debut novel. Matthew is clearly talented, and he's lucky he kept his vampires true to the classics, 'cause if he made twinkly vampires, I'd rate this book a 1 outta sheer spite! Luckily, he pulled straight from the Dracula mythos, except he uses Dracula's goofy younger brother Horace. And he's on a singles cruise in the middle of the ocean. For old people. Yes, you heard me correctly- a super old vampire is on a boat full of tasty morsels that can't get away because, well...they're on a boat. And they're nearly dead old geezers trying to get it on one last time. Many of them do not, in fact get it on, because not only do they have trouble with blood flow to their nether regions in order to perform, they also have trouble merely keeping their blood in their body period. There IS a vampire on the loose, after all! And Horace's vampire brides are chosen rather hastily from, well...the women on a singles cruise for seniors. So they're not the most striking ghouly gals, but Horace makes do...when he's paying attention.I don't think the acronym 'ADHD' was ever used in this book. Which I think is really neat-o. I kept expecting something drastic to pop up, but when you read, you just start to realize that Horace always seem to be losing his train of thought, or paying attention to something very UNimportant compared to the things around him, and then, of curse there's the part where he....oh wait...I forgot about Martha! I can't tell you much about Martha. She's a special character. You have to actually read the book to see what her deal is.Overall, this book is fun, fun, fun! I have always loved reading about vampires, and I'm so excited this one was even related to Dracula! There was mist, and vampire brides, and bats, and it was perfect! This book would be something I'd recommend to vampire lovers, people with ADHD (it's very short, and fast paced enough to read in one sitting, so even a person with a super short attention span can get through this one), and Bizarro lovers. It's light hearted...not a lot of heavy thinking, or veiled messages...nope, this book is just for fun! I's compare it to going and seeing a funny vampire movie. AND...there's room for a sequel! Well done, Mr. Vaughn!!!
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